Rant - Nightmare shopping with kids

I need to have a rant! Whenever I go shopping with the kids, one of them always has to throw a tantrum because they see something they want, if they are allowed to have it I will put it in the trolley but then they moan because they want to eat it now but obviously they have to wait til I have paid for it at the til! Or they try to grab things of the shelves and start opening it or they chuck it in the trolley and then it's embarrassing when I get to the til and say "oh actually I don't want that item" then they moan and I look like a cheapo and mean mummy but I am not paying £1 for a lollipop because it has Peppa Pig wrapping! Or in shops like Poundland when you are queuing and on either side of you there are sweets etc and then obviously the kids are going to try and grab them and then start moaning when you put it back! Or if they are in the trolley or pushchair and they knock something off the shelf and it smashes on the floor and EVERYONE turns round and stare at you! What annoys me the most is people staring and making comments!! "what is wrong with him?" "I can't even hear myself think with all that screaming" "are you their mother?" "is he always like this?" and when these rude people are with someone and they are both staring at my kids and shaking their heads in disgust and bitching about them, it makes me so mad I could turn in she-hulk!! Surely they had young kids once and understand how much of a nightmare it can be taking them shopping, I have heard other children throwing tantrums before and I always make sure I ignore it and don't look over at them even if the kids scream did startle me but there is nothing worse than people staring at you and your kids as if you are a horrendous family just because your 2 year old is fed up with sitting in the trolley or because they really want that Barney bear cake! And if I did just let them open things up and eat them whilst wondering around Sainsburys you get people acting like your thieving it or they make comments like "he's never going to learn if you give him what he wants every time he cries!" I just can't stand judgmental people, yes I know it's not nice to hear kids whining but hopefully you'll never see us again so instead of just staring or making rude comments, just ignore it and we'll be in the next aisle in a half a minute! .......I have a headache!

I do not think that my kids are naughty at all and I do understand from their point of view why they get frustrated and moan but sometimes I really don't know how to deal with it in public when they are being like that and people are staring at you, people are so judgmental that whatever move I make, their all going to have an opinion on it, not that I actually care what anyone thinks of me or my parenting skills but at the time all I want is to be invisible and I want the kids to stop bringing attention to us!

Before I have just given them a cookie or whatever it is they wanted to shut them up but one time I had an old lady came up to me and she was like "you have to pay for that before you can open it!!" I was so humiliated, it felt like everyone was looking at me at that moment, so now I always wait til I get to the til and as soon as I have paid for it I give it to them, even though yes I know that is giving them what they want but in that situation I do not care! The lady at the til and the lady she was serving kept looking back at us when I was queuing behind her because Dylan was moaning, I was just keep my head down but then the lady at the til asked "what's wrong with him?" so I said "he just wants a Barney bear but obviously I have to pay for it first" and she said "it's alright just give it to him if it will make him happy, just don't rip the bar code" as soon as I gave it to him he was happy (hallelujah!) then when I was putting my shopping in the bags she asked "how old are you? You don't look old enough to have two kids" I said 28 and she "ooh you don't look it" which was a lovely compliment since I think I look like I am in my 30's and then after that she was very sweet. It's funny how people look at my kids like they are sooooo adorable when they are happy but when they are moaning they look at the like they are little monsters!

Also in the car park they started moaning again because they wanted a yogurt, I have learnt to NEVER give them yogurts in the car as it makes so much mess so the answer was NO you can have one in 5 minutes when we get home! So then came another tantrum from both of them and Dylan wouldn't let me buckle him up in his car seat, a lady came over to me and said " aww you remind me of myself when my two boys were that age, it's hard work isn't it?" Just kind comments like that can make me feel so much better, just to know that someone understands what it's like and can sympathize! 

Are there any other parents that go through the same thing when they take their kids shopping? Or am I the only one? lol! 

Derma roller | Acne scars | Clear skin | Neutrogena products

These last two months and December and January last year (2013 / 2014) I have had a bad break out, it's always on my chin area and a few on my forehead and jawline. I'm not sure what causes it, maybe stress, not enough sleep, I don't drink enough water, too many fizzy drinks, an unhealthy diet or maybe the cold weather.
I have tried so many spot clearing products but none of them seem to work or can even make it worse but last year when I had the breakout and the last few days I tried the neutrogena facial cleansers and oil free moisturizer and my skin hasn't had any new spots popping up. So I am sticking with those products since they actually seem to work and they are a 1/3 off in price at Sainsburys, Superdrug and Boots at the moment.
I also used the derma roller once last year and my skin really cleared up within days!

Conditions treated by the Derma Roller-
The Derma Roller makes use of an amazing technology called skin needling, during which the roller’s micro-needles stimulate the deeper layers of your skin, encouraging the production of an important substance called collagen. Collagen is important to the healthy and youthful appearance of skin, and when produced as a result of Derma Roller, you can see a dramatic effect on a number of conditions. These include scars including acne scars, wrinkling, stretch marks, and hair loss or thinning. For more info go to - http://www.healthcentre.org.uk/cosmetic-treatments/derma-roller-benefits.html

Or just type in derma roller skin benefits and there is so much information.

I just brought two derma rollers with  0.5mm needles from amazon for £13 - here is the link- http://www.amazon.co.uk/Derma-Roller-Anti-Ageing-Stretch-Cellulite/dp/B00L63C4CM/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1422132329&sr=8-2&keywords=derma+roller

When I woke up my skin had gone back to normal colour even though it felt a bit sensitive when I had an itch and no new spots yayyyy!!

At clincs they can charge £250 to do the derma rolling treatment on you, for £6.50 I would rather do it myself and get the same results! If you are going to try this yourself I would suggest you start off with a 0.5mm derma roller! Hope it goes well for you if you do try it!!

xXx

ROX / RX Flawless eyes - Temporarily removes lines, wrinkles & under eye puffiness

Hello!!

When the kids have gone to bed, that's my me time! I like to relax, watch my favourite programmes or go online with the music channels playing in the background. At midnight the annoying teleshopping channels come on and usually I find a channel that's actually playing music still instead of watching these people acting so corny about how amazing the mop is, but whenever the teleshopping channel showed the RX flawless eyes product I coudn't help but watch as they applied the cream to the ladies wrinkled baggy under eye skin and watch the wrinkles literally melt away and look 20 years younger in that area! All the women were amazed at how this product ACTUALLY worked!
So I went onto their website and there was an offer, the product was half price at £29.95 but you could buy two for only £44.90! I was like wahooooooo!!! I have always hated how crepey and wrinkly the skin around my eyes are, so if everyone is saying that this product is amazing and it really works then i'll buy it for £100 if that means my wrinkles will disappear!
So I ordered two, p+p cost £5.95 and it came 2 days later!!

RX Flawless eyes description-

Flawless Eyes is the beauty gel that gets to work in just 60 seconds. Let RX help you temporarily reverse the visible signs of ageing and put the sparkle back in your eyes:
Temporarily removes lines, wrinkles and under eye puffiness
Works in under a minute and lasts for several hours
Developed by a leading skincare laboratory
One bottle lasts up to 80 applications
Suitable for all ages and skin types

You can imagine how excited I was to try it!! So I did a video on it which you can watch down below but since your reading this first, I will save you time and say don't bother! I didn't like the product! It says you shouldn't moisturise or have any oil on your face and you cannot put liquid foundation or lotions on top or underneath, so my skin felt tight without moisture or serum on my skin first! Putting this RX product under my eyes felt horrible, like it was tight and pulling the skin and I thought it was going to stretch my skin making the wrinkles worse so I quickly put serum under my eyes to make the product go away and then it felt better and the tightness went away and my wrinkles came back but actually looked better in a way because the RX almost made my wrinkles seem worse looking! After I did the video, I washed my face so it was completely bare thinking maybe I still had moisture on that area and now I will try it with a completely bare face, so I applied it again and this time it worked better but where it was applied, my skin looked super shiny and plastic looking, which isn't good since I would not go out in public looking like I have clingfilm under my eyes! And it felt worse then it did before, my skin felt so stretched it hurt, the wrinkles looked smoother in one place just above my cheek but the rest of the wrinkles looked like they had been pulled out so they looked longer and where I have fine lines like on my cheeks they were being pulled upwards and looked worse. This is really hard to describe but I just think it made it look worse and made me look much older BUT the product does work I suppose as in tightening the skin, but on me it just didn't work in a positive way! It does make the under eye area look nicer in a way that you wont need to cover that area with concealer or foundation which is good because you can't use them without ruining the effect but you can wear mineral powder there which you will definitely need to to get rid of the shininess it gives! Also when it mixed with the area where I had makeup or moisturized, it turned powdery and white which it did state that that will happen, but you can't just wipe it off which could be annoying!
Maybe it will work on more mature skin, if it was cheaper I'd say give it a go and see if it works well for you but for something I didn't like £29.95 is waaaaaay too much money!

Here is their website-

http://www.flawlessbeautyproducts.co.uk/

Boys first haircut | Adam tricked me into cutting it TOO short

Here is a video of my boys having their hair cut for the first time. I cut Charlies hair a year ago but that was just a trim.
I only wanted to take an inch off, Adam said the guard thing that you put on the clippers will leave it an inch and a half long (he lied) and that's the longest setting you can get, as soon as I shaved the first bit i was like =-O OMG it's sooooo short!!! I liked the boys long hair, EVERYONE else used to say it was too long but I liked it! So afterwards I actually looked at the guard thing you attach to the clippers and it said 9mm!!
I'm used to their hair now but it took a few days to get used to it, especially Dylan, I think he looks so much older now =-(
I know hair grows but our hair grows soooooooooo slowly it will take a year and a half to get back to the previous length....but at least I wont need to give them a haircut for a while....even though the next day Charlie begged me to cut his hair again lol =-/

I pull some ugly faces lol

Best mascara EVER for £6.99

I saw a video called HIT! THE $6 MASCARA THAT BEATS THEM ALL! by Gossmakeupartist - here is his video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3z1IVGUwwg

The mascara costs £6.99 from Boots.com but when I brought it there was a fantastic offer on 2 for £8. In this video I used the brown/black mascara, I also got the blackest black mascara.

I love his videos so I had to try this mascara out and I love it, in this video I might not have seemed so keen but some days my eyelashes are douchebags and other days they come out great, I have been using this mascara every day since this video and I love it, it's so natural looking and I actually prefer it with just one coat! It looks sooooo natural!

On the packaging it says Fake it with Falsifeye HD! Lash by Lash seperation, corner to corner volume & length for High Definition impact!

It definitely does what it says on the package!

94% saw more definition
93% saw separated lashes
92% saw long lasting results
*results observed in a consumer panel survey using 2 coats

 xXx

glossybox January 2015

Hello everyone!
So this is my second glossybox and I am very happy again with everything that was inside. Here are some pictures and then my mini reviews on each one.

I love the lip balm, I prefer lip balms that feel waxy, that's why I don't mind just using a massive tub of the cheap version of vaseline for 40p from Wilkinsons, but this one was lovely and kept my lips soft for hours and I get reeeeeally dry lips if I don't put anything on them!

The face toner is nice, my skin doesn't feel like it's going to crack if I don't moisturize straight awy which is good, sometimes I prefer to leave my face completely bare after cleansing my face because I get spots very easily so after using this Kueshi toner my skin felt soft enough to not do anything else afterwards!

The jelly pong pong highlighter I haven't actually used yet but from trying it on the back of my hand but it looked very nice and not too shimmery!

The powder blush, to apply it just dap the sponge on the top of the apples of your cheeks and blend it with a soft blusher brush, just be careful you don't use too much like I did this morning! Build the colour up instead of slapping it all on! And yesterday after a few hours when I did my makeup check before leaving home, I noticed I had red dots on my cheeks!! The blush had sunk into the pores on my cheeks making it look like I had little pin pricks on my cheeks! I tried blending it out but it wouldn't budge which was a bit annoying! It does give a lovely natural rosy colour to your cheeks though!

The MeMeMe eyeliner is nice but I prefer using my bareminerals round the clock waterproof eyeliner because I use it on the waterline once and it's done and last for hours, this MeMeMe eyeliner I had to go back and forth to build up colour, it's very very nice but it's just not as good as my bareminerals one, I am still wearing it today though. I might use it tomorrow to line round my eyes instead of just on the waterline and see how well that works, so I shall come back to this post tomorrow!

Toodles xXx

Boob job / Breast Augmentation story - The risks can come true!

Hello!!

So I had a boob job (breast augmentation) on May 30th 2014, unfortunately it didn't go too well! I want to share my story so other women are aware that the risks can come true. It's not to put anyone off having breast augmentation, but if you are planning on having the surgery then at least hearing my story you might be more prepared to be able to do deal with some of the things that can go wrong and make sure you discuss the risks with your surgeon and make sure that he/she will take care of you after the surgery if they do come true!

This is also for anyone who is interested in having surgery and want to see how the process goes. Research and finding out as much information as possible is important when you are contemplating having any kind of surgery and it should never be taken lightly.

 So here’s my story….sorry it’s really long lol

I wanted boobs because I’ve had 3 children, breast fed all of them for a year each which left me with empty sagging boobs which didn't even fill a 32a cup. I stopped breast feeding on November 1st 2013 when Dylan (my youngest) was 2 weeks away from his 1st birthday. I absolutely hated the way my boobs looked every time I stopped breast feeding, they looked like little empty sacks of loose skin, they were droopy and just disgusting I hated them!! I always had very small boobs anyway, not even a 32a before my first pregnancy but all 3 times, as soon as I had given birth and the milk came, my boobs were huuuuge!! To others they might not look big at all but for me it was like WHOOOOAA they are massive! And then when I stopped breast feeding, they were smaller than before and had lost all the perkiness! 

This is the only picture where you can actually see a bit of boobage! This is when I was breast feeding Charlie, to me my boobies look big, compare that to having absolutely nothing and it is a big difference! They actually look bigger there than my boobs do now after surgery!

So after I finished breast feeding Dylan, which altogether was a total of 3 years constant breast feeding, my boobs were just hideous, I hated them so much that I just wanted them gone, I literally just had loose skin and a nipple on the end lol! I always felt so insecure, I never wore pretty tops and for years (since I was 18) I wore chicken fillets, a very padded gel bra and then a bigger bra with a bigger cup but still very padded on top so you couldn't see the first bra underneath. So that made it look like I had small boobs underneath my clothes but in the summer it was horrible, I always wore t shirts so you couldn't see any of my chest area or all the bra straps and they would dig in so bad! I never took the kids swimming or anything like that so it was just a massive insecurity that held me back living life, which sounds so silly they are only boobs but as a women it can be such a huge insecurity!  Since the age of 13, very young I know, but that was the age when girls at school were or already had, developed boobs, I had nothing! Boys used to take the mick out of me and ask "why are you even wearing a bra when your flat chested?" etc etc. So by the age of 16 when I still hadn't really developed boobs I started becoming obsessed with wanting a boob job! I worked as a waitress / barmaid and saved up all my money but by the time I was getting close to how much I needed, I became pregnant with Jessica at 19 years old. So then I always thought, well I want 3 children, when I've had all my babies, I will see how I feel then about my boobs and if I still want to get surgery. So once I had stopped breast feeding Dylan I became extremely obsessed again with my boobs, I didn't have all my boob job savings any more, so I thought that's out of the question for years to come yet unless I win the lottery, so instead I just wanted all the loose skin (boobs) gone, so I became obsessed with exercise, weight training focusing on the pectoral muscles and losing weight. I have always been very slim anyway, at least I've always been lucky in that area being able to eat whatever I want and not putting on weight, but I thought since boobs are mostly made of fatty tissue, if I lose weight and tone up my chest, then my boobs will be gone. 

So this is 3 months after I had stopped breast feeding Dylan (probably why he looks so miserable lol) and as you can see I was completely flat chested, very slim/muscular. But at least being very toned gave the illusion of cleavage with the groove in between my chest (does that make sense?)

So I think people started becoming a bit concerned with my weight, it's not that I was unhealthy, in fact I was feeling pretty fit and had lots of energy, I think it's just when you are flat chested it makes you look skinny when I actually wasn't! But Adam (my partner <3  ) he had to listen to me moan for years about wanting  a boob job and how I hate my saggy non existent boobs etc etc and when he saw how obsessed I was with working out my chest area to just get rid of anything that was left there, I think he was really concerned and he knew how unhappy and insecure I was about my boobs so he told me that he had been saving up for a year and if I want to get a boob job I had to research it and look into the best company / surgeons etc and then I can have it done!! I was over the moon and I had already spent years and years researching and I already knew exactly where I was going to go and who my surgeon would be, so I booked a consultation with MYA in Chelmsford.

So I had the consultation, the lady just asked a few questions, she recommended Dr Frati which I was pleased about because that's who I wanted because he had a very good reputation, he was known as "the boob god" and he liked to give very natural results which is exactly what I wanted. Some surgeons like to give big fake looking boobies and I have never been interested in getting that! 

A week or so later I had the consultation with the surgeon, I had to wait for over an hour to be seen by him which was not a one off because I had to do that at LEAST 20 times after my surgery when I had to keep going back to see him (which I will get to eventually lol) So my first impression of him was "oh shit I don't like him" he was just so rude, he didn't greet me when I entered the room, I sat down at his desk and he just ignored me so I was like =-/ then he said hello and he didn't seem interested in me at all, I thought maybe he's just having an off day, but no he's always like that! So the consultation didn't last long at all, to be honest I couldn't wait to get out of that room! So I explained what I wanted, which was very natural looking boobs, over the muscles because at the time (lol) I liked exercising (if you work out a lot it's best to get the implants put over the muscles) and I wanted to from a 32a to a 32b or very small 32c just to get it to the size they were when I was breast feeding to fill them back out again without stretching the skin anymore. Since my right boob was slightly bigger than my left which I think was due to me using my left boob more when breast feeding (the rght side never seemed as comfortable) . So he gave me a 250cc implant to slip into my bra to see how it looked and it was perfect, that was exactly what I wanted! It gave me the size that I was when breast feeding which was big enough to fill them back out again which was all I wanted so there was no more loose skin and it wouldn't have been such a drastic change that people would even realise that I had a boob job (and no one ever has realised......secrets out now lol DOH) 

So when we left (me and my Aunty) I was really excited but I said I'm a bit worried now because I wasn't too keen on the surgeon but she said "He was rude but he seems to know what he's talking about and you said he has a good reputation so I'd just stick with him" so I did. On the MYA forum, so many girls raved about how great he is and they loved the results he gave them and quite a few people had mentioned his attitude so at least it wasn't just me that he was off with!

So the next month went by super fast, I wasn't nervous at all just super excited!!

The day of the surgery, my Aunty came with me for support which I really appreciated, my admission time  was 10.30am at Highgate hospital so we left at 7am and got the train to London. We had to wait for AGEEEEESS, Dr Frati is ALWAYS late for his appointments, so even though I wasn't nervous at all before then, the waiting around, being so hungry and thirsty from not being able to eat or drink, I had hardly any sleep the night before because I was too excited so the waiting round got me feeling anxious, but finally he came into the room and drew on my boobs. I was having a 250cc high profile implant in my right boob and 270cc in my left boob. He said he will be ready in 15 minutes but I ended up waiting another hour and a half! So then a nurse took me down and I was told to lay on the bed, I had the drugs injected into me, fell asleep quickly, had my surgery at 1pm, it only took 45 minutes, got back to my room and i felt great at first I was so excited I actually had boobs! I wasn't really in any pain, I felt tired but I would have felt rude going to sleep because then my Aunty would just be bored sitting in the room so we just talked  for a while. By 3pm my Aunt noticed that my right drain was filling up really fast with fluid/blood and the right boob was double the size of my left boob. So I asked the nurse about it and she said she had noticed as well and thought I might have to more surgery to correct it!! I was like =-O WHAAAAAAT??!! So I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink and omg I was sooooo thirsty it was horrible. We had to wait for hours for Dr Frati to come see me because he was busy doing other surgeries, so when he saw me he said I had to stay overnight to see if the bleeding would stop. I had hemotopia or something I can't remember what it's called but it's basically just a blood clot. He squeezed my right breast over and over and it hurt soooooooooooo bad, squeezing it made the fluid pour really fast down the drain lol and  then he put extra strapping on to make it extra tight and said keep ice on it.

So then my Aunty had to leave as it was getting late. A lot of the experience in the hospital was a blur, even though I was so drugged up I didn’t sleep til 2am because I was so worried about it all, I was so upset! Before I wasn't nervous at all, I thought nothing will go wrong, I'll have surgery, finally have boobs and get on with life being more confident and never have to feel insecure about my boobs again! I missed my kids, Adam was reeeeally worried about me and cried on the phone because he was so worried about me and then I was thinking omg if I die now (bit extreme) and it's all because I was vain and wanted boobs and my kids are left motherless now etc etc! 

Anyway after the surgery I was given two injections in my legs, one was for the pain which hurt so bad and the bruise on my leg took weeks to go away! I can’t remember what the injection in the left leg was for but straight away it affected me and apparently I went really pale, light headed and I was sick. I was sick later again at about 1am as well but I can’t remember much about that but I remember feeling really bad because the nurse didn’t get to me in time and I ended up being sick all over the floor and she had to clean it up =-/ she was so lovely about it though! And when I needed to go for a wee I would have to buzz the nurse and she would come in and help me over to the toilet dragging the IV and drains along lol.

So the next morning Mr Frati came in and said I will be fine to go home and have my drains removed at 2pm which was such a relief! A nurse came in at 1pm and removed my drains which was actually quite painful, especially on the right boob, it might not have been so bad if it had been removed hours later but because it was a day later i think maybe my skin was maybe closing in on it where it was already healing, I don’t know but it hurt!! I was a bit worried though because even though my drains were not as full of blood (the nurse had emptied it a few times already) but there was still blood dripping out along the tubes it was still going down it but no where near as much as the day before and my left one was fine. But I kept saying "are you sure it's fine now when there's still blood coming out?" but they reassured me it was fine.

So the journey home was fine, the pain for the first week wasn’t too bad with the painkillers I was given, I had no energy though, I was so lucky I had my mum looking after me at her house and a brilliant partner who looked after the kids and did everything for the first 2 weeks before going back to work! And even when Adam did go to back to work, he was still coming home and taking over with the kids and housework so I could go to my bedroom and relax, so I was very lucky to have such a wonderful supportive partner =-D

Out of the whole experience, getting to relax those first two weeks was the best thing about it lol, I watched every episode of Orange is the new black which is such a good show!!  The worst thing about the recovery was having to put ice on my boobs all the time and the strapping which was so tight and uncomfortable!

At my one week appointment to see the nurse on a Friday and have strapping off (thank god it was so itchy and sweaty with it on but it didn’t hurt at all to have it taken off) the nurse made me an appointment to see Mr Frati on Monday because my right boob was very swollen and thought it could be fluid build up.
So Monday i saw Mr Frati, i did have fluid (seroma) so he squeezed the right breast which was horrible, it hurt so bad but he got all the fluid out. He also used a needle to poke all round my boob to see if it was numb, most of it was and I didn;t feel the prick but where it wasn't numb it frickin stung lol! He put strapping on again for another week and told me to keep putting ice on for another week.

So this is how bad the bruising was after the surgeon got the fluid out and had to squeeze them!

The following week when i saw him again my right boob was very swollen again so he used a syringe to extract the fluid, he got out over 120cc using the syringe but every time he had to take the thing off to empty it, the fluid was literally just pouring out of my boob, and then he had to squeeze it again and even more fluid was coming out! It was dark brown liquid like coffee it was disgusting!!  The experience was not nice at all but my boob felt soooo much better afterwards, even though it hurt from the squeezing but the relieve of the pressure was so much better. I was also given another prescription for antibiotics.

So here are some ugly pictures showing the bruising over a few weeks

Then i saw him again 4 days later because the swelling was coming back and he did the same thing again but didn’t get as much fluid out this time and he said that should be the last time i needed it done....he was very wrong about that!!

Double the size they should have been because it kept filling up with fluid and from the swelling!

Before and after he had squeezed/emptied out the fluid

Next day and it was filling up with fluid again

I had to go back again on the 26th because the swelling had come back again, he didn’t want to use a syringe this time because he said it’s too invasive so just squeezed and squeezed and squeezed the breast and fluid came out, he also said he thinks I might have capsular contracture so the squeezing then was to break up the scar tissue. The squeezing went on for 20 minutes and at one point I felt like I was going to pass out from the pain lol but he and the nurse both said they were very impressed with how brave I was being =-p  He wrote out another prescription for me to have antibiotics and said I should come back on Saturday but I felt so unwell I didn’t have the energy to go that day but I wish I did go because I called MYA to tell them that morning and was told he wasn’t due back to the clinic til the next Saturday, so I had to wait for ages to hear back from them to see if I could go to London where he was going to be that week to see him so he could extract the fluid from my right breast again because it was so painful and swollen, it felt like it was going to explode and no matter what i wore you could see the difference in size which was so embarrassing! On Friday i felt fine and healthy, took my first antibiotic at 5pm and an hour later i came over all light headed, felt really weak and felt sick, so i went to bed and slept til 2pm the next day which is so unlike me and the next day I still felt poopy, like I just had no energy and was feeling so down about all of this, I knew what the risks were, I had researched getting a breast augmentation for years, but to be honest I never thought I would be one of the unlucky ones, it had been a month since my surgery and I still couldn't enjoy having boobs, I felt miserable, worried about what was going to happen next and I was starting to regret having it done and felt like I should have just stuck to wearing padded bras =-/ 

So after that I had to keep going back to see Mr Frati at least once a week either at London Fitzroy hospital or the Chelmsford clinic to have my right breasts fluid extracted with a syringe and by squeezing the fluid out, it was getting less and less but the capsular contracture was getting worse and my boob was like a rock and it was soooo uncomfortable! Even though Mr Frati had been great and always saw me whenever I needed to go back again as soon as possible, so the after care from him was good!!! But the constant travelling and waiting around to be seen for over an hour was really getting on my tits and I wasn't happy!

I wasn't happy with the way my boobs were looking either, the left boob had always been fine and healed really nicely and settled very quickly!! But on the right one, I had a weird ugly purple blister at the end of my incision under the right breast, it had been there for ages and was rubbing on my bra, which made it leak fluid and looked like it was full of puss but Mr Frati didn’t seem concerned about it. Every time I saw Mr Frati he always said make sure you wear a tight bra, which I always did, I always wore all 3 Macom bras (which are recommended for after breast augmentation surgery) and one night I woke myself up, where the bra was so tight I was always stretching it down to make it more comfortable,  when I did it pulled on the blister thing and it hurt so bad, it felt like I had ripped my skin off, where it must have leaked a bit it must have dried and then stuck to the material, so I got up to look at it and gave it a wipe with an anti septic wipe and it stung a bit, then I went back to sleep, when I got up and looked at it again, I gave it another wipe to keep it clean and the fluid just started gushing out of it for ages, if I wasn’t used to this from when Mr Frati did it, I would have freaked out! So I just did what he does and pushed down and squeezed the breast to make it all come out, it took ages and hurt but at least my boob got smaller and felt more comfortable after the fluid was leaked out! So this is what I ended up doing nearly every day and during the summer holidays when we would have days out to the zoo, Lego land etc, I would have to spend an hour squeezing my boob to get all the fluid out before we left so I wouldn't feel so uncomfortable all day!

Also I started to notice I was getting rippling in both boobs, I can always see it when I don’t have a bra on with my left one, it's like it dents in above the nipple but to be honest I expected that would happen because from breast feeding that part of my breast was completely flat and empty and when my right breast is normal and not full with fluid I can see that was the same as the left one. These days the left one doesn't seem to have rippling but the right one does still, on the sides and above the nipple but hopefully it will settle like the left one did.

So this is what it would look like after having the fluid syringed out after all the bruising had gone even though it took 2 months for it to disappear!

This is what the weird blister thing looked like at first when it would leak fluid and rub on my bra

It would start leaking if my bra rubbed on it but the fluid wasn't so dark by now so at least it didn't look like I was leaking coffee!!

This is what the blister thing looked like when it got bigger. It got much worse then that but I can't find the pictures which is probably a good thing because it looked really disgusting close up!

(I found the pictures of it close up)

This is what the blister thing looked like before I had the revision surgery

When the blister was this big the fluid that was leeking from it was more of a dark yellow colour but apparently if it's a light yellow/ wheat colour that means it is infected.

In the end after I went back to see Dr Frati at least 20 times, he said I'm going to need to have revision surgery, the capsular contracture was really bad by then and the fluid just wouldn't stop, even after 3 months it still kept coming back and I was getting so fed up with all the travelling to go and see him, that's why I started leaking it myself. Where the blister was, I just steralized a needle, poked it in the blister and the fluid would pour out, I don't think he was very happy when I told him about that lol he seemed quite shocked but if I didn't empty the fluid every day the blister would get huge and it constantly hurt, so even though it could take an hour to empty it and it hurt from squeezing my hard boob, it was just such a relief to get it all out! So on September 10th, 3 months later, I went to Fitzroy in London and had the revision surgery. This time I went by myself and it was so boring, I had to wait for 7 hours because Dr Frati was running late as usual!! So it all went fine, even though when the nurse gave me some toast and tea afterwards I was sick and vomited into the cardboard bowl and my denture came out and the nurse flushed it down the toilet lol so then I was toothless for a few days which wasn't great and then I had to pay £350 for a new denture! I have a video on my youtube channel all about my teeth story if you want to check that out!

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLdVBktpIuOJOY6eMN3rAcRiR6jvh3pvw-

This time the recovery wasn't so bad since it was only one boob and I had already had the implant put it on so it wasn't a new feeling like the first time you have it and it feels really heavy on your chest, since my implants were small it wasn't so bad but I know a lot of girls have said it's like having an elephant sitting on your chest lol. 

Also the fluid never came back yayyyy!! But I do still have a slight case of capsular contracture, it's not as bad as before and every day I have to massage my breast which basically just means I have to squeeze it to keep the scar tissue from going hard again. It's a bit funny shaped still, it's still higher up and in the middle it's still swollen and it has now been 4 months since I had the revision surgery! I went to see Mr Frati for my 3 months post op check a few weeks ago and I was actually really annoyed, I had to wait nearly 2 hours to be seen by him and he was once again so rude and obnoxious towards me, he squeezed my boob to break down the scar tissue and that was that, he didn't even say bye and so I asked the nurse when I left the room if I need to keep coming back and she said no that should be it now, unless I feel I need to come back, but if I still have capsular contracture then surely I should be seen by the surgeon again in 3 months time? And to piss me off even more, when I went back to the car I had a parking fine for £50 which was reduced to £25 because I paid it straight away, but if I hadn't been kept waiting for so long I wouldn't have gone over and I wouldn't have had to pay £25.

So that's my boob job journey so far, hopefully I wont have to go back again, after all the money we paid to have this done I'm not happy and I wish I went with a different surgeon to be honest but it's done now, I don't think my boobs are perfect at all, my left one seems to have really dropped and my right one is still high up, when I wear a bra with padding in, when I take it off my boob is so funny shaped, it looks like a cone shaped boob and takes ages to settle back but the right one isn't the same or size as the left one still....even though I am very happy with the left one, even if it is a bit droopy still!

So it might not have been a successful surgery but all I ever wanted was normal sized breasts and even though some people might be like "if you're going to pay all that money you should have got bigger implants" but I'm very happy with the size, I think they suit my frame and I wouldn't want to get the sort of attention that bigger boobs can give you from men! 

And I don't think they are even very nice to look at, they certainly do not make me feel sexy but that's not what I wanted them for. Last summer after I had them done I still felt very self consious about them because obviously the right one was much bigger than the left and I had never worn clothes that show any of my chest area so I still felt weird about that but hopefully this summer I will feel confident enough to wear pretty tops and dresses =-D and everything that happened will be a distant memory and I can take the kids swimming and enjoy life to the max =-D

It is April 2016 and my boob is looking better but it still hasn't dropped and is still quite hard, I squeeze it every day to soften it up and I have been sleeping without a bra on which is helping to loosen it a bit I think lol but it still looks completely different to the left boob which looks saggy compared to my right boob but I like that tit much better!!

If you are planning on having a breast augmentation done, make sure you do lots of research, find a doctor with a good reputation and research him, make sure you feel comfortable with him and are able to ask as many questions as you like, be prepared for the risks to happen and talk about the after care you will receive after the surgery. You are paying a lot of money for the surgery and making sure you get the right after care is important.

And one thing I wished I did, was to go in there and act like I was super confident and I wont put up with any crap and that I demand to have the best care and work done and wouldn't put up with being made to wait around for hours. The amount of time I wasted just waiting to be seen was ridiculous.

Also if I went to the consultation and said I want a boob job because I am an inspiring model and acted like people would see them instead of just saying I want them to make myself feel more confident, I can't help but wonder would the surgeon have done a better job? Maybe not but if the surgeon thinks that his work is going to be seen by many people, maybe he would try and do a better job, so if I had to do it again I'd go in there and show that I expect the best! And don't be afraid to speak up and ask lots of questions!!

Capsular contracture
After having a breast implant, your body will create a capsule of fibrous scar tissue around the implant as part of the healing process. This is a natural reaction that occurs when any foreign object is surgically implanted into the body.
Over time, the scar tissue will begin to shrink. This shrinkage is known as capsular contraction. The rate and extent at which the shrinkage occurs varies from person to person. In some people, the capsule can tighten and squeeze the implant, making the breast feel hard. You may also experience pain and discomfort.
Capsular contracture is an unavoidable complication of breast implant surgery. Everyone who has breast implants will experience capsular contracture to some degree and it is likely further surgery to resolve the problem will be needed in the future.

Seroma
After having breast implant surgery, fluid can build up around your implant. This is known as a seroma and is fairly common. Further surgery may be needed to drain away the fluid in severe cases, but most seromas resolve without needing to be drained.

Creasing and folds
Sometimes a breast implant can affect the appearance of the skin on your breast. For example, after your operation you may find your skin has creases, kinks, folds or ripples.
Creasing and folds tend to be more common in women who have very small breasts before having breast implant surgery.

Infection and bleeding
Infection and bleeding are relatively rare after breast implant surgery. However, if you are having an implant fitted for breast reconstruction after a mastectomy (breast removal), you may have a greater risk of infection and bleeding.
Most infections can be treated using antibiotics. But if your breast becomes severely infected, you may need to have the implant removed to prevent further complications developing. You should be able to have the implant reinserted after the infection has cleared up.
However, it is important the implant is not reinserted too soon, as this can increase the risk of infection. Waiting a few months after the implant was removed is usually recommended.

Some research suggests your risk of infection and bleeding may be increased if you smoke because your wounds will take longer to heal. Your surgeon may recommend not smoking before your operation to reduce the risk of developing complications.

Thank you for reading

xXx

Benefit Cosmetics - First impressions -Demo video and full review

This is the first time I have used Benefit Cosmetics, some of the products I loved and some I wasn't so keen on!
Since this is not a makeup tutorial, I have sped up a lot of the video so it's not so long!

I used:

#POREfessional to prime my face, I rate this 3/5 ***
CONS:
*I was hoping it would give me more of a coverage like a foundation does but it doesn't really have any coverage. It didn't state that it has any coverage so it's not false advertising, I was just hoping it would lol.
*For use over the whole face I don't think the size of the product will last very long, I will probably use this just on my nose area from now on.
*I think it's very expensive considering how much you actually get in the tube.
*I don't think it minimized my wrinkles.
PROS:
*It definitely did minimize pores, not completely but it was an improvement.
*It takes away the shine without leaving my skin feeling dry.
*It felt quite velvety smooth.
*It didn't settle into fine lines.
*It makes your skin look nicer without looking like you have anything on your face.

PLAY STICKS creme to powder foundation - blended with Real Techniques sponge.
I rate this 4/5 ****
PROS:
*It matched my skin colour perfectly.
*It was a medium coverage.
*It didn't settle into my pores.
*It wasn't drying to my skin.
*It did need to be re-blended a few times throughout the day but only on my chin area.
CONS:
*I think it needs to be blended quite quickly as it seems to dry quite fast and then seems harder to blend, but that just might be because the next day I used the RT Sponge without dampening it first and it did not blend well at all so I used my foundation brush instead but by then it seemed quite dry and harder to blend.






















Fake Up Hydrating Crease control concealer. I rate this 4/5 ****
PROS:
*It blended in easily.
*The colour was a perfect match for my skin tone.
*It brightened up my skin.
*It was hydrating, most products usually feel very drying round my eye area but not this.
CONS:
*It did settle into my wrinkles but is easily blended out again and it could just be because I used too
much.

Bad Gal waterproof Eyeliner. I rate this 1/5 *
PROS:
*I suppose if you want a slight bit of colour on the rims of your eye this is very natural.
*It didn't crumble or break off when applied.
*On the skin, after a few seconds it does not smudge at all.
CONS:
*It wasn't thick enough for me, you could barely see it.
*It dries very quickly so you will have to blend quickly.
I would not repurchase this eyeliner.

Mascara. I rate this 3/5 ***
PROS:
*It did lengthen my eyelashes quite dramatically.
*It was very black.
*It glided on very smoothly.
CONS:
*It left small clumps on my eyelashes.
*It's not waterproof and smudges very easily.
*I didn't like the brush and found it quite messy to use.
*It stuck to the eyelash curlers leaving loads of product on it.
*I found it too wet.
*My eyelashes did stick together in some places so I had to seperate them with an eyelash comb which made it flake off.
*They stuck together after I used an eyelash curler too.
*It didn't give volume to the eyelashes.

They're Real push up liner. I rate this 2/5 **
PROS:
*It was very black and didn't have that shiny effect that some liquid liners give.
*It is waterproof.
*I had quite good control over it.
*It didn't budge when I curled my eyelashes or stick to the metal bit.
CONS:
*It was not easy for me to apply this.
*It didn't hug the lash line!
*It smudged and crumbled very easily.
*It dried too quickly so when you go over it again it didn't go on smoothly and made it quite lumpy and you can't blend it out.
*When applying this, lumps kept breaking off which was the worst thing about this product. It made a mess and it's a waste of product which is a waste of money!
*I couldn't get a thin enough flick as it comes out a bit too thick for my liking.
*It's not easy to remove but it does smudge really easily, so if you expect to be able to go swimming and the line still look perfect, it wont.

I should have looked at the product more closely before purchasing, but I thought the nib was the actually liner and that's what I liked about it, the shape, but the liner actually comes out of that bit.
I have used this a few times now and I'm still not keen on it.

Dandelion Blusher. I rate this 5/5 *****
PROS:
*It looked very natural, just a hint of colour.
*It wasn't drying to my skin.
*It had a nice healthy glow.
Pro/Con: You need to build up the coverage to be able to see the colour.

High Beam. I rate this 4/5 ****
PROS:
*It really gave such a lovely highlight.
*It blended easily.
*The package is small but I think it will last a long time....hopefully!
*It didn't settle into any fine lines.
CONS:
*Looking at it in natural daylight, It did kinda leave that stripe look but maybe I just need to practice blending better.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

HOOLA!! I rate this 5/5 *****
PROS:
*Sooooo good for contouring, it's matte and blends in so easily.
*The brush that comes with it is also very good at blending and it doesn't shred hair.
*It's very natural looking.
*Very good bronzer.
*It didn't have a YOU'VE BEEN TANGOED effect (no orange...ness)
Cons: The product is in a cardboard box which I find weird but not a big deal.



POREfessional Shine Control
PROS:
*It did take away the shine without looking cakey like some powders do.
*It didn't settle in the pores
*It wasn't drying
CONS:
*It didn't minimize pores any further than the POREfessional primer, I will have to try it on bare skin to see if it does make pores smaller.
*I used quite a lot of product, a little does not go a long way!

<3 The HOOLA is definitely my favourite product, I absolutely loved it!!! <3

So this is my opinion on the Benefit cosmetics, It may change after I have used the products a few more times but this is my first impression of them.
Like I said, I love the skin products but not too keen on the eye products, but hopefully once I have used them more and got used to them, I will be raving about how fantastic they are!

Thank you for watching / reading
                  xXx